City Mouse, Country Mouse

**Disclaimer--This is a really long post! I hope you take the time to read it, but if you don't, it's completely understandable. Thanks!**



This is a topic that has been on my mind lately, and I'm not really sure why God keeps bringing me back to it. Or even if he is. I know I'm coming across as frustrated--because I am--so please don't take unnecessary offense to anything I say. I don't mean to offend.

I guess I'll start where this started for me. I went for a walk the other day, because some part of me was prompting me to go find a lake, or trees, or something. So I walked around for a while, listening to music, and then marched my way over to the small park and lake that is near my house. After running through deep snow to cross the park, I sat down to rest at a picnic table. I somehow managed, and I don't really know how, to maneuver myself so that I couldn't see cars, people, or houses. And at that moment, I felt so at peace. I felt like God was trying to get something through my thick skull, so I sat for a few more minutes, thinking "ahhh...here it comes...enlighten me."

Which of course, didn't happen. Life doesn't work like that.

So I got up, turned around, and looked at the muddy gray snow piles, at the cars, at the buildings, at the power lines, and immediately felt that peace disappearing, and frustration taking it's place. What was I so frustrated about?

I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing, naturally. I didn't really pray about it, I just figured I was having a bad day. I figured I was looking so hard for something to make sense to me; that I was being dramatic. Which I get told I am, often, so I was trying to not do that. This all lead to me lying in bed last night, in my second hour of trying to fall asleep, when it hit me: I felt guilty for feeling relief at not being surrounded by people. I felt guilty for not liking the city.

When I say city, I mean all of a city. I mean the downtown, urban, and suburban areas. Anything that includes massive amounts of buildings, people, houses, etc. Why would I feel guilty about this? Should I feel guilty about it?

Moving from a "middle of nowhere" town to a relatively bigger city, I encountered many wonderful people who have such a passion for the city. They are so inspired by the diversity, the movement, the opportunities. There's always something to do--and this excites them. As Christians, they have a passion for reaching everyone for Christ, and a city is the perfect way to do that. Having these people as close friends has certainly helped me to grow in so many ways.

But at the end of the day, I still couldn't shake the fact that I didn't feel that passion. I wanted to. I wanted to get excited about everything I could do on any given night. I wanted to feel called, pulled, toward anything urban, because it seems so much more eye-opening than living in a small town. But I don't. In all honesty, the city stifles me. I feel trapped, like I'm in a huge snow globe that I can't get out of. There is never night, and people are always moving, there is a lot of pressure to be constantly moving as well, and it makes me feel incredibly restless. The same reason city people hate how the suburbs are the "in-between" compromise, I do, too.

Instead, I find that I feel closer to God when I am actually living somewhere with less people--but still the chance for meaningful relationships. I feel like I am not as lost, and am more useful for his purposes. I get excited when I think about being in an area no one has ever seen. I think that the "country" often gets a bad rap, and people there are portrayed as judgmental and narrow-minded. I am also guilty of thinking that at times. But then I remember my family. Some of them are from a town of less than 100 people, truly in the middle of nowhere, and they are by far the least judgmental people I know. I have met many people who live in cities who are far less accepting of others.

I'm not trying to say that one or the other is right. I truly do love that most of my friends are so excited about living in cities. I just want to put out there, what I feel like is a minority opinion--I much prefer living in a small town in the middle of nowhere.

All in all, where God is telling you to be is between you and him. Don't let others around you influence who God created you to be. I believe that when God says to reach all people, he also means those who live in the far corners of small towns with no post offices. Sure, there are disadvantages--but pretending that living in a city excites you is not the answer. Bigger is not always better.

I'm still processing all this, and I know maybe it doesn't make sense, but I also know, I don't feel guilty anymore for being made to live differently than a lot of people I know. I'm sure I'll find plenty of other people who feel the same way I do. And I don't feel ashamed of where I come from, and I pray I wouldn't feel ashamed if God called me back there.

Besides, I miss the trees, and fresh air.

I'll leave you with a favorite quote by Henry David Thoreau:

I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

Work it!

Last week I went to the lab at my clinic for my usual quarterly blood drawing and testing (I'm a pro now!). Upon finding that my thyroid levels were up again (meaning simply that my brain is being lazy and not assigning my hormones to go anywhere), I got all motivated and did what I've been putting off for a month now--joined a gym.

Before you get skeptical, I used to belong to the Y just down the street. Amanda and I had a co-membership, which worked out well, but seeing that she moved, it just became too expensive so I joined Snap Fitness this time around. It's just easier to pay month to month, and considering I don't know where I will be in six months, it's a better fit for me. I've been so tired and hungry all the time, so let's hope this helps. If all goes well, I will be this in 3 weeks:






Are my expectations too high? I think not!

Ok, so maybe...........

Also, my grad school applications are officially complete! One deadline is the 15th of February, and the other is March 1st. Hopefully I will hear from them within the next month or two.

Lastly, does anyone have any good book recommendations? I am trying to compile a list for the library, and there seems to be a lack of "ohmygoshIhavetogetthisbookRIGHTNOW" feeling. If you have any suggestions, please drop a comment below here--I'd appreciate it!

Details, details. And the semi-interesting plight that is my life moves on...

My Work

A lot of the times, I don't think I have anything interesting to post, because frankly, I feel like my life is uninteresting. I wake up and work, come home, and usually hang out with the roommate and then crash.

Since work takes up the majority of my time, I thought I'd share this. At a travel service, I take calls from all sorts of interesting people, and most days, I usually get some bizarre question or comment such as "I want to ship a body" or "If I bring a few cans of soup with me, can I get the humanitarian discount?" or "I want to fly whenever. You pick a date."

This website is one a co-worker and I visit often, to help relieve our stress some days, but mostly just to find common allies of those who work in the service industry. The following is one I came across that gives you the gist of what I deal with on a daily basis...and is really funny as well. I don't know who took this call or where they work, but I feel their frustration. :)

Do Not Doubt the Credibility of the Map

Travel Agency | Alaska, USA

Me: “Thank you for calling **** Travel, this is ****, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Um, yes. You’re located in Alaska, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Is that near Hawaii?”

Me: “No, sir. Not at all.”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna talk to a manager. This map shows y’all are right next to each other, and I wanna know why one’s so dang hot and the other’s so dang cold.”

Me: “Sir, you’re actually reading the insets on a map of the continental United States. Alaska and Hawaii are several thousand miles apart.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

My Humble Opinion

I went to see this movie on Tuesday night. To preface this, I had heard rave reviews from friends since it first came out, before all of the Oscar buzz. Then it got nominated, and won an award, then got nominated again, and so on and so forth. And because I love a good underdog, and so many people around me praised the film, I thought I should check it out.

The Oscars always have these obscure, "film festival" movies nominated for Best Picture, and I guess this falls into that category. From what I've heard, it was a fairly low budget film, with no huge names to back it (in the U.S., at least). It's the story of how a young man who grew up in the slums in Mumbai goes on to win 20 million rupees ($1,000,000) on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" in India. As he answers more and more questions correctly and reaches the final question, he is arrested and accused of cheating. The film, then, is a beautiful and often sad story. Each question leads to a different memory in his past, where the answers can be found. For example, at one such question, the man/boy claims that he "prays every day that he didn't know the answer to that question." I won't spoil it for you by telling you more details or the end.

I really liked the movie on many different levels. One, it is very different than all these Clint Eastwood mega movies we usually get nominated. It shows people a different side to the world they are used to. On top of this, it is beautifully filmed, and the score is amazing!

I'm definitely a film novice, but I will also assuredly recommend this film to anyone who can get a chance to see it, whenever you can.



Also, I can't believe it's almost February! All I can think of is the movie Groundhog Day. Oh man! I'll have to rent that again. Will the groundhog please predict us out of this hellish winter?

Enjoy the weekend!

Peace,
J

Whirlwind

I don't know how, but life sometimes seems to have the capability of going by ridiculously fast yet dragging slow. I think it's a conspiracy on the part of WINTER. These past few weeks have been filled with a surprise party for Amanda, packing her up, driving her down to Cincinnati and staying for a few days, coming back in the middle of a work week and getting chewed out by clients who insist that our business install a public bathroom because, and I quote, they have to "pee real bad," moving Lindsay from my room to the now Amanda-less room, and basically getting our house in order. Throw in grad school applications, my sister moving to PA, and family coming to visit, and it all seems to go so fast! But for some reason, I'm really feeling that winter will never be over, it seems so slow! Oh well.

Hopefully I'll be able to post a picture or two of our newly arranged digs in the next few days.

That's been it for life lately, spinning around, working, tutoring, etc. I've hardly had time to read, or catch up on some movies I've wanted to see. Hopefully, tomorrow night I'll either see Slumdog Millionaire or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Oh, and by the way, I did not fail to recognize that we got a new president at some point in all of this. :)

Peace,

J

Boasting

A friend and I were discussing the genre of science fiction the other day. I personally get a lot of jibes for reading it (all in good fun, the covers of these books are awfully cheesy), but I continue to read it for many reasons. My friend said something to me that I agreed with, along the lines of how "all good science fiction is usually a very good social commentary." And it's so true! I think the reason I love the genre, especially the Ender series, is that it certainly comments on how the world is today, and definitely on society itself.
I was reading through my most recent Orson Scott Card book, Speaker for the Dead, and came across a conversation between the main character, Ender, and a young boy, Olhado. Bear with me--a little background: Ender has decided that he is going to allow an alien race headed by a single queen, who 3000 years earlier had tried to destroy the human race, come back to life based on the fact that he believes that the alien race never intended to hurt humans, but rather learn from them. The conversation starts when Olhado asks Ender how sure he is that this is true:

"I'm as sure," said Ender, "as I am of anything."

"Not absolutely sure," said Olhado.

"Sure enough to bring her back to life," said Ender. "And that's as sure as we ever are of anything. We believe it enough to act as though it's true. When we're that sure, we call it knowledge. Facts. We bet our lives on it."
"I guess that's what you're doing. Betting your life on her being what you think she is."

"I'm more arrogant than that. I'm betting your life, too, and everybody else's, and I'm not so much as asking anyone else's opinion."

As I was reading this, I couldn't help but think of the verse in Galatians where Paul speaks of boasting:


But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. (6:14)

The term "boast" implies arrogance. Only those who are arrogant boast. And I am sure to many, Paul often seems arrogant in his claims--but the thing is, Paul is willing not only to be his life on the truth that is Christ, he'd probably be willing to bet yours, too--without asking your opinion.

How many of us would do the same? Many of us are okay with betting our own lives on Christ, but how many of us are "arrogant" enough to bet our brother's, our sister's, our parents', best friends', our own children's lives on Christ, without so much as asking them? When it comes down to it, are we believing in his redemption of our souls enough to actually act like we do? It's always easy to say you are sure, and to say you believe--the acting part is hard. Boasting in Christ is hard--it's seen as arrogant and obnoxious to many lost souls. I myself fail at this a lot--I often want people I've just met, or have known forever, to like me. And being so arrogant as to claim that Christ has died for this world--that that and its implications is the only truth that matters--and that I'd be willing to bet your life on it, stranger, friend, family-- doesn't result in many people liking us.

I pray that it doesn't always work out that way--that somewhere, our boasting in Christ gets through to someone. That being that sure about something is inspiring to others. I pray that we act on what we believe.

And all this from a little sci-fi! Maybe you should try it out yourself ;)

Peace,
J

Much Too Long

I was wondering how many of us feel "un." By that I mean, unmotivated, uninterested, just plain old blah. January will do that to you! At least here in the winter states.

Christmas and New Year's just flew by in a flurry of activities, emotions, illnesses, and of course, unexpected (and happy) events. Now I am getting settled back into a routine, which is welcoming to a certain point, but I still wish I had vacation time! Oh well. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Posts will be sporadic for a bit--Amanda is leaving us in two weeks! So we will be packing, moving, saying goodbyes, and all around contemplating how much life changes in the next two weeks. In addition, I am still trying to complete the last bit of a university application. If anyone feels up to it, prayer for Amanda's move would be appreciated. We are really going to miss her. And if anyone wants to pray for motivation for me to get this application going, I wouldn't complain.

Thanks to anyone who actually takes the time to read this! It boggles my mind how even one person would visit here, so I am in awe.

In leaving, here is a quote by Pablo Picasso that I love:

I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it.


Keep the peace,

J