Joy Through a Broken Heart

For the first time in my life, I truly believe I am in communion with God. Understand, I am eternally grateful for this, this relationship he has given me and allowed to grow and evolve as I do, from a child, to an adolescent, to a so-called "adult." I am not spiritually superior because of this, I am merely a daughter communing with my Lord, and I cannot begin to express the joy that comes with it.

In church recently, my pastor reminded us that we are to be broken before God--but this does not necessarily mean that we are unhappy! I have come before God with a broken heart that is not my own--it is broken for the hurts of my closest and dearest friends. My only thought today is, if this is the amount of joy that comes from a once-removed broken heart, when my own trials come, I cannot imagine the intensity of the joy that will follow. Praise him! I cannot even begin to use words to describe this feeling, this speaking to God and knowing without a doubt that he answers. It is like breathing. He is the way, the truth, and the life. My oxygen. I am utterly dependent. He sent from on high, he took me, he drew me out of many waters (2 Sam. 22:17)

So today, I am reading the Old Testament. It is most precious to me, because to me, there is no question as to who is in charge.

A portion of David's song of deliverance, found in 2 Samuel 22:28-32

You save a humble people, but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them down. For you are my lamp, O Lord, and my God lightens my darkness. For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God--his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?


My God, my God, my God! He is everything. His way is perfect, his word proves true---what more do we need to trust? If we put all of our trust in other humans, we will be disappointed, just as those who put trust in me will be disappointed--but what is our imperfection but a way to reveal his perfection? If we could do this on our own, if we could handle situations the way they ought to be, what need would there be for our Lord? To me, disappointment is proof that he exists. Every hit we take, it is further proof that he is perfect and whole. This does not mean that we expect to be disappointed, that we do not trust, but merely that we remember when we are let down, there is Jesus there, who will not ever let us down. It is complex, it is not easy, and it most certainly does not have a practical step by step program that we can wake up and implement into our lives. To be short, it is life!

Remember--

If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he will also deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful--

for he cannot deny himself.

(2 Timothy 2:11b-13)


With hope,

J